Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

So today was a struggle. I have a FEW boils that are in not so good places and the pain I feel is almost unbearable. Yet I still smile when asked "How are you today?" I say "I'm OK". The reason I say I'm okay is because I feel like nobody cares to hear the truth.Truth is I'm NOT Okay!!!!! I have constant pain, fatigue and depression, but yet I get up every morning and put on a Happy face because I have to work to pay for this illness. I get to work and people ask "are u OK?" Yea I'm OK with a smile.... all the while I'm breaking inside because I'm sick of being asked. As if you really care to know how I really feel. As if you would believe me or even comprehend the pain I'm going through on a daily. Just because you cant see it or because I don't LOOK sick on the outside. My body is being invaded by lesion's and boils that are appearing faster than the next mornings sunrise. I am being made to feel guilty at work because I cant sit and do my job for long periods of time. My boss asks "cant you schedule these on your days off?" Really? as if its all in my head and I am making this up! As if that is not enough that my quality of life has ripped away from me. I cant go out and be with friends because most days I can barely walk. My finances are a mess because I haven't got a full paychk in months. I have to call in 2-3 days a week because I cant sit in the car to even drive to work. I am going to the doctor 3-4 times a week and they are charging me co-pay almost every visit. My life....What Life? I Wont keep a man around because I am to embarrassed about my situation to say anythg for fear of judgement or their fear that I may be contagious. So I push people away! I have my own issues I'm dealing with is what I tell myself to pacify the pain. Am I Depressed? Maybe I am. Am I Sad? Yes, all the time. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I pray that this will end soon I pray that all the medicine that they are filling my body with will help me because I am not sure how much longer I can hold on. I'm not saying that I would even think about ending it all But you may find me in a padded room soon lol because something has got to give and I'm hoping that it will not be me!! Today was a NOT so GOOD  Day!!!


Ebonie Gabriel
July 17,2011 12:14 am