TARGET ON MY BACK!!!!! # ITS HUNTING SEASON ON ME......

So as you all know I've been sick for a while. Since I've been sick I have been taking off work and very often. As a result of this I have been going with out pay on the days that I am not able to work. So on top of not being paid Im also still paying the doctors $40.00 a visit and some weeks I am at the doctors office 3-4 times a week. So hmmm lets do the math. Not excluding Rent, Car Pmt and Car Insurance, Cell phone bills, Electric, and Internet. How am I still sane? I ask my self that question everyday. But God is good all the time and some how I'm keeping my head above water. Now my illness is triggered by stress. So if this doesn't seem stressful enough for you, my supervisors are now in retaliation mode. They are for whatever reason trying to punish me for being sick. Mind you I provide doctors notes every time I'm off. I'm cover Thur FMLA and again I'm going NO PAY! That in itself seems to be punishment enough. On top of the fact that im having flares and break-out every week! Some times I tell people I feel like Job in the Bible. The devil is working hard on me but I know my God is Bigger and Badder and My blessing is coming! In the mean time Thur it all even when there are days I can't even get out of bed I'm trying my best to go on. I'm still holding my head high when I am at work but this is becoming harder and harder to do when I  feel like a walking target. On a daily basices I am been harassed about something that is so frivolous but I grin and bare  it.

Today was the straw that broke the camels back! In October we start a new fiscal year and we receive 64 hours of Holiday pay, Unscheduled and Personal leave paid. Once you submit for days that are available to you,at shift bid then you can submit a form to get these days off. Well back in July I asked for these three days off  In October and was approved. On the three days off I am having a medical proceeder. This is a discussion that by law I didn't have to disclose to my supervisors but I did if only to  help them understand why I took this time off. Today i was advised that in a prior conversation that I had with the 2 ladies(SUPERVISORS) that i have no recollection of having that this issue was talked about  The (2 ladies not to be named) said that we discussed that they were taking my vacation time. Now I was there and what we said and discussed is that if in Oct if I were to call in that my sick time would be covered by the paid HOL hours. And this is how it has always been so tell me if this is right or wrong?

 How can an employer tell its employees when and what they can do with that time off. This is something employees receive and I seem to be the only person that it being told that I CANT take Hol paid leave and i have to take sick leave and go no pay???? Its this RIGHT OR WRONG?

I will not stand for something that is a great injustice to me when I know they have no leg to stand on. I feel like I have been back into a corner and I'm coming out swinging. God is my cover and I'm the running back and running thru these holes God is opening up for me. I'm small but I got the holy spirit power covering me, and you not gone see me coming! First blood has been drawn and it on now! I'm not going down with out a fight! I LOVED THIS DISPATCHER FAMILY AND NOW FEELING LIKE THE RED HEADED STEP CHILD.
I ask that god prepare my thought and speak thru me in order to get this injustice resolved and if it cant.... then plan b will be put into action! I want to keep my job with out all the extra! So you tell ME is this Right or wrong??????

Edg
09/30/11

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Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

So today was a struggle. I have a FEW boils that are in not so good places and the pain I feel is almost unbearable. Yet I still smile when asked "How are you today?" I say "I'm OK". The reason I say I'm okay is because I feel like nobody cares to hear the truth.Truth is I'm NOT Okay!!!!! I have constant pain, fatigue and depression, but yet I get up every morning and put on a Happy face because I have to work to pay for this illness. I get to work and people ask "are u OK?" Yea I'm OK with a smile.... all the while I'm breaking inside because I'm sick of being asked. As if you really care to know how I really feel. As if you would believe me or even comprehend the pain I'm going through on a daily. Just because you cant see it or because I don't LOOK sick on the outside. My body is being invaded by lesion's and boils that are appearing faster than the next mornings sunrise. I am being made to feel guilty at work because I cant sit and do my job for long periods of time. My boss asks "cant you schedule these on your days off?" Really? as if its all in my head and I am making this up! As if that is not enough that my quality of life has ripped away from me. I cant go out and be with friends because most days I can barely walk. My finances are a mess because I haven't got a full paychk in months. I have to call in 2-3 days a week because I cant sit in the car to even drive to work. I am going to the doctor 3-4 times a week and they are charging me co-pay almost every visit. My life....What Life? I Wont keep a man around because I am to embarrassed about my situation to say anythg for fear of judgement or their fear that I may be contagious. So I push people away! I have my own issues I'm dealing with is what I tell myself to pacify the pain. Am I Depressed? Maybe I am. Am I Sad? Yes, all the time. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I pray that this will end soon I pray that all the medicine that they are filling my body with will help me because I am not sure how much longer I can hold on. I'm not saying that I would even think about ending it all But you may find me in a padded room soon lol because something has got to give and I'm hoping that it will not be me!! Today was a NOT so GOOD  Day!!!


Ebonie Gabriel
July 17,2011 12:14 am

Faith.....Do you really have it?

Definition of FAITH

1

a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

3

: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

________________________________________________________________________________

 

My Mother and I just recently had a a conversation about FAITH. As most of you know I have been suffering from an illness that cause me to be in alot of pain. It also causes depression and fatigue. My mom is  always telling me that things will be OK and I just have to have FAITH. But do I really have FAITH? We say that we have FAITH and we say that we believe that GOD is real but, WHY is it so hard to rationalize that God will make it alright if we believe in him and his word? Its kinda silly that we put so much faith in MAN and doubt GOD. Even after all the Blessing we have received. We know it was God that did all these things for us. We know that it was GOD that helped you when that Bill was due and you had no idea where you would get the money. You know it was GOD that got you thru a tough relationship that didn't workout and you thought he/she was the one. It was GOD that woke you up this morning to go to that Job he blessed you with in the Car he also blessed you to have. We all sometimes get caught up in life and don't stop to Give thanks for what we have because if it weren't for GOD we wouldn't have these things. So why is it so hard for human kind to except and comprehend? I will tell you WHY.... We are a generation that has  see it to believe it.  We don't believe in things not seen. Faith is just that believing that all things NO matter what it is will be taken care of because you believe in GOD almighty. And you/we should know that if it is in GOD's will that he will supply all that we need and some of what we want if we are obedient to his word. Have you been obedient? Thank God that he is a loving and forgiving GOD and he will forgive me for not being faithful to him and his word. I know that I am here because of him and he shows me favor. I am ashamed that I didn't call on my faith or should I say believe whole heartily that he would see me thru this. I know that this storm is only for alil while and without Test there are No Testimony. And  I know that  I know better because My Father (god) taught me better than that! lol .....

Thanks Mom! CDG

 

Ebonie Gabriel

07/01/11

 

My Life with Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS)

Every since I could remember I had got boils from time to time. I even remember my dad getting them sometimes,and it was no big deal. But for some reason when I turned 30 ALL HELL broke loose! I moved to Texas ready to start a new life and I began to have massive outbreaks of Golf Ball Size boils on my thighs and under my arms.  Not knowing what the Heck was going on with me I went to Several Doctors and I have been mis-diagnosed several  times and I have even been admitted to the Hospital for a week! I met with an Infectious Disease doctor and he diagnosed me with MRSA which is a staph like Super Bug that is immune to most all anti-biotics. So after several rounds in the last four months of countless antibiotics and IV antibiotics and Low White Blood count I feel like I have been hit by every single car during Rush Hour Traffic. (lol) The medicine makes me weak and lazy and I don't have the energy to get out of bed most days. The Crappy part of all this is I still have to work and earn money!!!!! So imagine that you are sick and have been taking off work for long periods of time for so long that you have used up all your sick leave and have been going No-Pay. I have been supposedly correctly diagnosed and Yay (sarcastically) this disease has NO cure.... less than 1% of the population has HSand therefore this will be a life long battle. Just my Luck!

What Hidradenitis Suppurativa is ???

Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS) is an uncommon chronic inflammatory skin condition.
It effects inverse areas of the body, top of inner thighs, bottom, genitals, armpits, under the breasts in women and less commonly the stomach, hair line and behind the ears.
The symptoms of Hidradenitis Suppurativa vary greatly, it can be as slight as black heads and pimples or as serious as large draining lesions, growing to the size of golf balls. This is a very painful and depressing disorder.

It has been suggested that HS may not be as rare as believed, but that people are hesitant to come forward through shame and embarrassment. Also the figures are low through lack of accurate diagnosis.
Very little research has been done into Hidradenitis Suppurativa. It is known as an 'orphan' illness, which means, because it is considered rare there are no pharmaceutical companies that have taken up the challenge to find a decent treatment or cure. The question now is why? ( http://www.skincell.org/hidradenitis_suppurativa.shtml)

Can't wake up....

Why is it when we are at work and should be focused on the task assigned to us we cant seem to keep our eyes open? Its not like the job is boring (in some cases) so what is it in our brain that makes us so sleepy? I know me personally today has been one of those days. I got what I thought was a good night sleep,but yet I yawn all day and can barely keep my eyes open!  Did you know Hypersomnia, is a strong desire to sleep during waking or daytime hours((: What Are the Causes of Drowsiness? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5097741_causes-drowsiness.html#ixzz1IxadUcTI This is soooo me!!! I can take the best naps during the day.
Then have you ever been so tired and sleepy that once you got home or in the car you were wide awake? I think it has to be the Job atmosphere! There has to be some scientific reason that I keep yawning! I guess I need to try a 5 hr energy even though my job last more than 5 hours lol. Why did they choose 5 hrs? Most people in America work 8 hrs... Things that make you go Hmmmm lol

Breaking Up is a Revolving Door

I have been in many relationship some of them were very hard to let go of. And there were also some that  were all to easy to say good-bye to! It never fails that in a relationship one person has more feeling for the other than you may have for them or vice/versa.... In the case of all relationships Trust is the number one thing that has to be established. There is NO reason not to trust your partner if he/ she has not given you a reason not to.Insecurities can plague a relationship and can cause unnecessary friction. 
Communication is the second thing that is very important. Without this, one or both people involved will most likely feel that there needs are not being met. In a relationship in order for it to work fully and be successful needs have to be met.
We all have individual needs but the basics are (women)  Love, Protection and Security.
Love : woman are emotional creatures and need to be told that the person that chose to love back loves them. Love is not only a word but an action also. Please remember that!!!!!! Males on the other hand  need to feel Wanted, Loved and Appreciated. Men like to feel loved as well but, who wouldn't? Males just tend to look at love differently. They also need to feel needed and wanted for their egos. If a man cant protect and provide he feels less than so even if he is acting and not doing, let him it will work out in your favor in the end.  
If all these basic needs are achieved then in theory the relationship should be a successful. Nobody can tell you how true this is but from my experiences it is a Great start although the ending is up to you.

MY RELATIONSHIP HAS ENDED NOT ON A BAD NOTE BUT NOT SO GOOD EITHER. MY BASIC NEEDS WERE NOT BEING MET AND I REFUSED TO PUT UP WITH NON-COMMUNICATION. I FEEL THAT IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING THEY CAN WORK ON AND MAYBE ONE DAY YOU CAN TRY AGAIN.

In the end we are all looking for that one that we can not and will not live with out. Are they really out there? Can this be a myth that we have been brain washed to believe just to make life alil easier to tolerate. Knowing that one day you could run into the one that will make all your dreams come tru will definitely be easier than to grow up knowing that only 25% of people will find a mate and 10% a soul mate. How you like them apples? (lol) Truth don't feel so good and you chances are not looking all that good is it? Well who knows you may be apart of the 35% that will find happiness so Keep Looking! I know I will.....

Until Nxt Time Love Often and Love Hard...007

Be Careful What you ask for?

 I have been living in this state almost 3 years. I wonder if the the term Home Sick was made just for me? I'm not sure if I miss home (Oklahoma) as much as I miss my Family and Friends. Home is always so easy. You know where to go, what to do and it becomes boring and then you want to leave for something New!
Well I decided that I was going to move and start over new.  So I searched for jobs and found one here in Irving. Moved in 2 weeks! I had a new place, a new job and a new life.... After a few week I felt that I had made the biggest mistake of my life ,but I had to live with it at this point. I enrolled in school and tryed to make the best of my situation and at times it was good, but most times it was bad. I got lonely.... No friends or Boyfriend, no family it was NOT cool at all. (just because it was a new life didn't mean a good life)  So I got involved in a few activities. Met a few new friends,but still it was nothing like Home. I guess the saying the Grass is not always Greener on the other side was Right! Now its 3 years later and Im still Home Sick..... UGH.....